The Serpent

Here's something I'm thinking about recently. Paul teaches

Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.
-- 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

and the author of Hebrews writes

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every hindrance, and the sin which so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
-- Hebrews 12:1-3

What surprises me most recently is not the scripture itself - it's consistent with my (mental) understanding of the gospel. But I am caught up by my reaction to it. I think to myself "did God actually say 'only one'? Surely I don't need to aim to be the best. God is just setting the bar higher so that when I fall short, I'm still good enough."

And then I recall the words of the serpent to Eve,

He said to the woman, "Did God actually say 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, 'You shall not each of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'" But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
-- Genesis 3:1-5

Indeed, God meant every word of what He said in the garden, as surely as He means when He says

"Be ye perfect, as I am perfect."
-- Matthew 5:48

This is something to be taken seriously. I've never been a strong athlete (and I suspect Paul wasn't either). I heard recently of a study that showed that in high school students, athletic involvement was a significantly better predictor of sexual abstinence than was church involvement. Their goal - this "perishable wreath" is certainly more obviously visible and immediate. But our goal - the "imperishable wreath" is far more valuable, and far more difficult to obtain. Indeed, only one man has obtained it. And I'm called to follow Him, with everything that it entails, including striving honestly for perfection.

Psalm 73

For the last month or so, I've been in a pretty unworshipful state, and haven't had the will for any deep theological reflections. But God is faithful (1 Cor 10:13) and ever draws me when I wander astray (Luke 15).

I'm still not particularly ready to reflect too much, but I wanted to share a lyric that touched me today.

I've had enough of living life for only me
And reaching just for the things that keep destroying me
So sick of envying the lives of so many I see
Somehow believing that they have what I need

My God's enough for me
This world has nothing I need
In this whole life I've seen
My God's enough, enough for me

I can't explain why I suffer though I live for You
Those who deny You, they have it better than I do
Cover my eyes now, so that my heart can finally see
That in the end, only You mean anything

Who have I in heaven but You?
-- BarlowGirl, Another Journal Entry, "Psalm 73"

In Psalm 73, Asaph writes

Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take posession of the earth.
Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.
They say, "How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?"

This is what the wicked are like --
always carefree, they increase in wealth.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever

Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
--Psalm 73:1-3, 9-12, 23-28

While the details may have changed over the millenia since this was written, it is still the truth. I've found myself tempted to deny God for the sake of what seem like relatively petty sins. And in some measure (particularly the bratty child one) I feel like I have it better when I give in to that temptation, and that God's Law is "oppressive" (Psalm 73:16). Indeed, there seemed to be no immediate consequence - afterall, it was just between God and myself, and He didn't seem to be sending any lightning bolts my way. But we have plenty of assurance that it does matter. Jesus taught "If you love me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15). Modus Tollens easily proves that one who does not obey, does not love God. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other" (Matthew 6:24). Finally, The first letter of John teaches "We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands" (1 John 2:3), and later "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome" (1 John 5:3).

Clearly, God takes this whole thing seriously. To relate back to the song, 2 Corinthians 5:7 says "We live by faith, not by sight." May God cover my eyes so that my heart can truly see that in the end, only God means anything. This world has nothing I need.

Discipline

The author of the Book of Hebrews teaches,

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives."

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

--Hebrews 12:1-11

God has worked in many ways in my life. When I first believed, He taught me about salvation by convicting me of my sin. Through His Word and through the testimony of other believers, I understood how I was an heir to that salvation. He's since taught me of His love, His sovereignty, His holiness, and many other things.

It's common knowledge that God calls us to repent of our sins. Over the past six years, God has revealed (and convicted me of the gravity of) many sins in my own life. Some of them were easy to repent of. Others were revealed more gradually, and repentance came slowly and through struggling. Some things were revealed immediately, but were so deeply ingrained that I still deal with them to varying degrees.

For the last two years, I've downloaded many television shows. I am still unsure about the moral difference between watching a show live, taping it on a VCR, and downloading it off the internet. But it turns out that that's not the main issue. Jesus taught,

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
--Matthew 6:19-21

These shows (particularly collections of them) had become a treasure to me and after several months of struggles, I finally gave them all up last month. Since then, my relationship with God has deepened and I have experienced much more fully the joy of His salvation¹.

Fast forward to this week. I had begun to gratify the same sin which had been behind my downloading, but in a slightly different way, and despite knowing full well it was wrong. After plenty of chances to stop, God issued a divine "Cease and Desist" order by allowing me to be tempted on a completely different and much more shameful² front, which He had for a while given me victory over. In my obstinate state, I fell hard, and it hurt.

This is just one example of God's discipline. I honestly have a hard time remembering other specific ways in which He's gotten my attention, but this is a new one (to me) and it certainly worked. I don't know why it's taking me so long to learn that if I ignore God when He asks nicely, it just gets more and more painful when He asks again³.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
--Psalm 51:17

Footnotes:
¹ Psalm 51:12
² Romans 6:21
³ Jonah 1:3,4,15,17

Stress

The other night I got a survey in the mail about how I deal with the stress of grad school. It featured such questions as "How often have you...

...been blaming yourself for things that happened?
...been refusing to believe that it has happened?
...been looking for something good in what's happening?
...given up the attempt to cope?"

They seemed to assume a priori that anyone in grad school must be faced with unbearable stress. But as long as I think about things rationally, I know I never have any reason for that kind of stress.

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
...
"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
--Matthew 6:25-27,31-34

Since I've begun to understand these verses, it's become one of the most relieving things in my life. I needn't worry about my career, or dating, or any unknown event, or even death, because God, who loves me, is sovereign.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
--Romans 8:38-39

What does this mean to me? I will defer to Sara Groves, who is by far a better poet than I.

Remember surrender,
Remember the rest;
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest,
And realizing that it's not up to you, and it never was.
Remember surrender,
Remember relief;
Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks
As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in.
...
Remember surrender,
Remember the peace;
Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep;
In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun.
Remember surrender,
Remember that sound
Of all of those voices inside dying down
But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within.
--Sara Groves, All Right Here, "Remember Surrender"

ADDENDUM (1 Jul 2006): I don't mean to say that I've achieved this perfection and never worry - just that I know I don't need to.